Tim ‘Gonzo’ Gordon

Again, I’m being ignored by Howard Stern.

Ah well, I ignore him too. Except for the headline of this post. Other than that I’m ignoring him.

But I was thinking about him today. I wonder what he’s up to? I mean, is he still married? Does he get a little every night, or is he still jerking off everyday like he used to? It’s these kinds of details that really attract good quality listeners.

HOT in OREGON.

Yes, it’s getting hot in Oregon. Two days ago I was wearing my winter coat while umpiring my son’s softball game. Windy. Chilly.

Not no mo. It is now 104 degrees in Death Valley, according to my weatherbug. But 80.1 now in Salem. Looking for 95 tomorrow. But I won’t be here. No, I’m actually going EAST to where it’s HOTTER. Over in Central Oregon for the annual Friends of Trout get together. I won’t bother explaining because it’s really inexplicable. Or inexplainable, if that makes more sense to you.

So why did I tell you the temperature in Death Valley? Because of the new Kettle Foods promotion. They have a Facebook application that is looking to give away a year’s worth of chips to the first five people that email them when the temperature hits 120 in Death Valley, all to promote their new HOT flavor ‘Death Valley Chipotle.’ And believe me, yes, it is HOT. I’ve tasted it and washed them down with cold, cold beer, which is the proper method of ingestion.

Back to Howard. Is his show worth a damn any more? Or was it ever? I recall back in the 80s or early 90s when we didn’t have satellite radio such as XM or Sirius, and he was not syndicated in Portland, but my radio buddies on occasion would talk about the guy like he was walking on water. Well, pushing the envelope, which, while it is still a yummy cliche, is not the same thing.

At some point someone played a tape for me of Howard. I scratched my head, wondering what the big deal was. I watched his movie. Entertaining, you bet. I read his book. Funny shit. But who and where was the real Howard? Stand up, Howard!

Because I couldn’t listen to the show, I had this unfulfilled desire to hear him on a daily basis so I could see what the big deal was. You know, compare apples to apples. See how he stacked up against the other guys I could hear like Mark and Brian and, well, that’s about it. No other national morning shows were in Portland at that time.

Finally, he came to Portland via syndication. I checked it out.

I heard potty humour, stuff a second grader would snicker at, stuff a grown man would shake his head at, interviews with naked women, the usual Howard stuff. And on occasion something really interesting like the time Paul McCartney stopped by. It was actually a pretty good interview.

But overall, I give him about a B-. Yeah, a B-minus. He could be so much better. But hey, maybe he is now with the multi-million dollar contract and no FCC worries. I’m sure those fines were starting to get to Howard and his old radio company. Now the FCC has made rumbles about trying to regulate satellite radio. Thanks to Howard, I suppose. C’mon, you guys, give it up! People are going to be what they’re going to be. You can’t legislate good taste, and in the long run it doesn’t matter.

If they’re trying to protect kids, that’s not even up to them. What is a “Parent” for? The FCC is not a Parent nor a “Big Brother” so they should butt out.

I browsed to Howard’s website to check it out, but couldn’t bring myself to actually listen. I think I would be disappointed. Perhaps the Howard show in my mind is better than the actual Howard show.

Of course, Howard, meanwhile, continues his parade on the satellite network. Continues to cash really big checks. Continues to push the limits, push the First Amendment. Gotta admire that part. We all should have a right to be distasteful. And we all have the option of turning the station off or moving the station selector button elsewhere.

And Howard, I hope you’re not jerking off daily. That’s a really ugly image.

Well, the guys and gals at MoveOn.org have pulled the feathers off another roasted chicken. Yup, they’ve released a short little video that you should watch. And your friends. But not your dog or cat because, well, they don’t understand the concept of war quite so good.

Also, you might be interested in a little more back ground on General Patraeus. It’s somewhat of a lengthy read, but definitely worth the time -here.

Tim listens to sounds from the 1860’s. That’s right the 1860’s!!! Just released this week, these recordings are knocking Thomas Edison off the earliest hit charts. You won’t believe your ears!

It’s also time to officially announce that the podcast is on hiatus. Oh, I’m still podcasting. It’s just over at Communication Steroids, where Roger Pike and I hold forth every week on the art of public speaking, communication and presentations.

Check the story on the first recorded sounds here.

 

 Standard Podcast [13:52m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

I grew up reading Philip K. Dick, Ray Bradbury, Isaac Asimov and Robert Heinlein. Until today, Clarke was the only one left alive. I just got the news that he died tomorrow morning, March 19th, 2008, in Sri Lanka, where he’s lived since 1956.

The news came over late tonight just as I was about to call it a night…in this story I found a link to Arthur’s 90th burthday musing. Pretty interesting. Check it out. And go read one of his books, or if that sounds like too much work, watch 2001: A Space Odyssey again. And again…

Dear Internet,

I know you want me more than I want you.

It didn’t used to be that way. I remember in the old days, oh just ten years ago, right when we got out of the BBS world, I wanted you all day long. And half the night. Even though it was hard to find worthwhile sites, I surfed and surfed like that guy from Surf’s Up.

Back then I had about 400 sites bookmarked. Seriously. I even checked most of them out more than once. But the whole idea of bookmarking to make sure you didn’t forget where that little joke or photo was so I could come back again…I mean, I read that the average person had about 8 bookmarks.

I thought that was insane. I mean, I had 400! Didn’t everybody?

Now, I think I have about 200, but I only ever visit 6 sites.

Let’s see, is that right?

ESPN, Google News, Hoodoo so I can check the weather at the ski resort…

That’s about it.

I’m not sure what caused this falling out.

I mean, sure, now and then I go dive-bombing for the pretty girls. I mean, I’m a man and all and it’s there and it’s free…

And of course the politics. For awhile it was all I could read about Ron Paul. I just thought his little quixotic campaign was great. Now it’s vanished.

We’re down to Obama and Clinton and McLain. Gad, what a trio. One of these people will be the leader of the free world in less than a year.

Between now and then we’ll be subjected to carpet-bombing from the Swift Boaters and their distasteful brethren.

And then when it’s over and the new President is installed, it’s back to business as usual.

Because I don’t think any of the three will really effect much change.

But I digress.

Internet, I can’t figure you out. I run a number of websites, which are fun. Mostly time-consuming because visitors don’t really stop and visit. Oh, sure I can check the stats and yes there are people passing through.

And every now and then someone will spend a few bucks on a digital product.

Still, every now and then you give me something that touches me it almost bring me to tears (thanks Steve Martin).

But I’m beginning to feel like you’re two-timing me. And I can’t even figure out why.

Is it because I know I’ll never fully plumb your depths? Do I fear that I might miss something, so I’d rather stay away?

My kids love you - or at least the part of you that brings streaming Transformer videos. Now that’s cool.

But in the long run it’s hard to make a commitment. It’s like every time I go back to an old stomping ground, the bookmark is out of place.

That’s it - it’s YOU that are fickle.

And you give me too much of everything that I’m just overwhelmed. Like everything else in life, I guess. It’s a little scientific fact and curiosity that when given too many choices, people have a harder time deciding.

I just checked: I’m in the middle of 9 books. And that’s just the current ones, not counting the forgotten books that I’ve…well…forgotten.

So I don’t hang out as often. Do you blame me?

Books, movies and TV just seem - at least this week - to offer more.

And when summer comes I’ll be outside more. Maybe you and I can get together late in the evening, when the kids are asleep and I’m looking for a little racy entertainment?

No?

You think this relationship can be salvaged? I don’t know, I feel like I’ve been down this road before. I keep giving and giving and get little in return.

Perhaps I need more insightful commentary, or more things like that Steve Martin article I referred to earlier. But I just don’t find much like that.

Perhaps I should spend more time with Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, et al. But those feel random, near phony.

YouTube? Yeah, my kids and I watched some old Steve Martin clips last night. But after twenty minutes we moved on.

It’s gotta be the randomness of it all that I find so disheartening.

So I’m gonna leave ya now. I’m sure I’ll sit down, pour a cuppa and log on again tomorrow morning.

Because hey I’ve got work to do. And some of it involves you.

Besides, when I don’t want to do the work, you’re an easy distraction.

Too easy.

I’m checking out the new Flock Web browser. Er, make that ’social’ web browser. I’m trying to post to my blog within Flock to see if this thing works.

This video you see above is from earlier this week - February 18th to be precise - when Terry Brock from Orlando, Florida stopped by on his way to British Columbia for a gig. He was driving from San Francisco northwards and it took him within a mile or two of my digs. Thanks for visiting, Terry!

As for flock? Try it here.

Blogged with Flock

Tags: TerryBrock, marketing video, flock web browser, public speaking tips

Creative and inspiring…

We all die. No way around that.

But most of us don’t have the insight or foreknowledge of exactly WHEN we’re going to check out. Or ‘croak,’ as my life insurance agent likes to call death. You know, to make light of a heavy subject.

But what if you were told you had 6 to 12 months of good health left and they BAM! it’s all over? How would you react?

Would you start to think about all the childhood dreams that you didn’t achieve? Because I think that most of us have a mental list of sorts when we’re kids - stuff that moves and inspires us - that we place on the mental back shelf when we become adults, finish school, get a job, grow up, become ‘responsible’ and start paying mortgages, insurance policies and raising the next generation.

When I was a kid I had a well-formed vision of creating a small lodge in the forest that would have a recording studio and enough room for 10 - 15 friends to stay as long as they wanted. We would cook healthy meals, jam with the musical instruments all night, ski all day…you know, just the right mix of great stuff for childhood fantasies.

What happened?…Hmmmmmm…

So when I ran across a lecture by Carnegie Mellon Professor Randy Pausch, who is dying from pancreatic cancer, I had to share.

The Professor gave his last lecture Sept. 18, 2007, before a packed McConomy Auditorium. In his moving talk, “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams,” Pausch talked about his lessons learned and gave advice to students on how to achieve their own career and personal goals.

It’s long - maybe an hour and fifteen minutes - so bookmark this and come back to make sure you see it all. Well worth it. Maybe it’ll help you move back to some of your childhood dreams.

Okay, a totally subjective list. To qualify for this list, the song has to have a girl’s name in the title.

And it has to move me (make me dance, make me laugh or cry, roll my eyes…). Other than that, there are no qualifications. So, let’s dig it:

Gloria - Them: Van Morrison’s young-man ode to the female mystique
Dolly Dagger - Jimi Hendrix: “Drink the blood from a jagged edge…”
Michelle - Beatles: “Sont les mots qui vont très bien ensemble,
Très bien ensemble.” What else ya want from a love song?
Black Maria - Todd Rundgren: lyrically not much but a potent guitar riff nails this
Rosie - Johnny the Distractions: local Portland boys ’80s; Jon Koonce’s young lust for a girl that just don’t want him: “..chain-smoking cigarettes, I wish she’d wear a dress…’
Arms of Mary - Chilliwack: Canada’s answer to…uh…nevermind. But this song was and is still a knock-out
Esther Be the One - ZZ Top: l’il ol’ band from Texas brings out the gun-totin’ Esther: ” Esther be the one that shoots a machine gun
Whether you like it or not.
Midnight or daylight, stay out of her sight”
Helen Wheels - Wings: McCartney had a knack for turning out gnarly guitar riffs and this is one of his best
I’m Not Lisa - Jessi Colter: Jessi’s biggest pop hit (okay, about the only one) was a touching heartfelt tearjerker….don’t call me Lisa, dammit!
In Memory of Elizabeth Reed - Allman Brothers Band: no words, just a meandering instrumental that starts slow and builds to a slow burn before the white hot finale. Who the hell is Elizabeth Reed…?
Joanne - Michael Nesmith: when the Monkees went their separate ways, Michael wrote this anti-Monkee song. Sappy I know.
Jenny - Chicago: Terry Kath, the great guitarist wrote this about a dog that liked chasing cats, but not all was good: ” So sad but true
There’s always someone waiting
Just to shit on you”
Alison - Elvis Costello: pining away, Elvis can’t stand to see Alison get hitched to someone else, nor could he stand it when Linda Ronstadt covered it.
Peg and Josie - Steely Dan: twin songs from Aja: perfect pop for now people (well, in ‘77 or so anyway…)
Momma Miss America - Paul McCartney: free from the restraints of the four walls of the Beatles, Paul’s first solo album was full of missing pieces, odds and ends and was, well, totally delightful
Roxanne - The Police: maximum overplay on the radio, especially since the tour last year, but who else can get away with a nifty little pop song about pining away for a whore?
Angie - Rolling Stones: Mick and Keith suck it up for an acoustic #1 chart-topper about a bittersweet breakup
Delilah - Plain White T’s: such a simply, catchy tune. Other than this song I have no idea what the band is capable of
Brandy - The Looking Glass: a huge hit of the early 70s about a barmaid in a western town ‘laying whiskey down,’ whose heart is with a sailor - but the sailor, like any true sailor, is only at home on the sea…
Cross Eyed Mary - Jethro Tull: another song about one of the lost girls that you can never know: ” She’s a poor man’s rich girl and she’ll do it for a song…”

Some of the first books I remember reading (besides comic books) were the classics: Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn; the usual round of Dr. Suess suspects. I’m sure Mark Twain came after The Cat in the Hat, but it doesn’t seem like it was that long after.

When my older brother Mark was required to read “The Catcher in the Rye” in high school I picked it up and started in. A couple of days later my mom saw me reading.

“Are you reading the whole thing, or are you just looking for the good parts?” she asked.

“The whole thing.”

She was fine with that.

In my teen years I devoured all the science fiction I could: Robert Heinlein, Isaac Asimov, Ray Bradbury, Philip K. Dick, Frederick Pohl…

I spent exorbitant amounts of time off in space, traveling the universe, fighting the bad guys, waking up on planets with three moons and two suns.

For a time I wanted to be a cartoonist. I even took a correspondence course on cartooning. But my drawings never quite matched my imagination and expectations. And the instructor - some guy at the other end of the mailbox - was a faceless but talented artist who took me to task for misspelling ’surprise.’ That’s all I remember of that. And that as a cartoonist I was no good.

But authors followed me around, impaling my senses. Robert Ludlum, Frank Herbert, Ursula K. LeGuin, Arthur C. Clarke, Robert Silverberg, Tom Robbins, Robert Sheckley, Theodore Sturgeon, Philip Jose Farmer, and of course Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

I could never quite get enough of Vonnegut. I never wanted his books to end, and I wanted there to be ten times as many titles from him.

Not like today, where TV and the ‘net are the main entertainment mediums. And video games.

So of course I urge my boys to read as much as they can. Soaking up the tales of imaginative authors will serve them well. C, 7 years old, is a good reader, but won’t read unless mom or dad sits down with him. Then he pulls out book after book. J, 15, is a good reader, and has zipped through the Harry Potter schemes, as well as Eregan. I’ve given him ‘The Book Thief,’ which he says he’s ‘enjoying’ but so far - 6 or 8 months later - it remains unfinished. Personally I loved the book and highly recommend it.

But in this high-tech faster paced world, where do books fit in? I think they’ll always be here. After all, reading is the doorway to other incredible worlds and wild imaginative tales. Whether those tales come from books or go to electronic books (Amazon’s Kindle for example), the stories will always be there.

And even as much as I like a good movie - a good book brought to life - you don’t see under the hood with a movie. You’re ‘entertained’ but you aren’t informed. A book - even fiction - informs you. I’m going through Robert Ludlum’s “The Bourne Supremacy” for about the 7th or 8th time in my life, and a couple of things come to mind: first, the movie with Matt Damon has almost nothing to do with the book. The story in the book takes place in the Far East: Kowloon, Hong Kong, Macao. Second, the book opens the door to Bourne’s state of mind and motivation more than a movie ever could. The book informs you of his slightest moves, his reasons for doing what he does, the background that brought him his inhuman skill.

So, while I appreciate you reading my blog - hey - turn off the computer and go read a good book!